caesar and the masked rider

i never intended to be so personal in this blog, especially since blogs are already self-indulgent, but i'm beginning to understand how difficult it is to keep yourself out of it. after all, one of my colleagues considers it a boon to be surrounded by narcissists, since they're less likely to pay too much attention to you. (needless to say we're great friends.) so this is me, not looking at you:

my musings of late must arise from little things, because the big things have me in quite a frantic state; i'm so busy i can hardly sleep. to keep me going, i invest in small pleasures, like the sprinkle of cinnamon the gal at the coffee shop reminded me of, a funny joke told by a librarian, and a new recipe offered by a guy who's sweeter than he knows. (my other senses are dulling with lack of sleep, but my sense of taste has somehow become keener.) it's as one of my favorite Oasis songs proclaims: "it's the little things that make me so happy." so this evening i indulged in a caesar salad and a glass of pinot noir by the name of Masked Rider, and i realized this pair perfectly symbolizes my current inner conflict:

i don't know if i want to be a Caesar or a Masked Rider.

both have power, that much i know i want. (this conflicts with my personal philosopy, of course, but i can accept it; power looks good on me.) but how do i want to gain that power? i can gain it through a populist approach like Caesar, and use my political wiles to dictate, or i can be more subversive, more mysterious, like the Masked Rider, and just take power and its spoils, without all the rigmorale. for the most part, i'm a politician, but as my schedule continues to block me in, i long for the days of roaming wild and free, without fear of being discovered.
 
either way, i'll probably be shot.

[It's Good] To Be Free - Oasis